Today is your 27th birthday……the second birthday that you will celebrate in heaven. You are not here for me to give you a card…..a present…….or an embrace. I think this is the hardest part of a parent having a child that lives in heaven. And yes, this is a tough day for your Mom….I think I miss you most on this day. It is a reminder of my 8 pound and 14.5 ounce baby that was born 27 years ago. Their are only 3 people that have heard my heart beat from the inside of my body……and when we lose someone that has been that connected to us, it’s tough. Really tough. I am reminded of all those years of you needing me for your basic needs in life. The joy of you as a small child, the struggle of those tough teen years and watching you grow into an amazing woman and becoming a mother yourself. I loved our relationship the last 5 years of your earthly life. As I reflect on those years, as God would have it, those would be the things I will store up in my heart forever to help with this separation we now experience. I hold dear those almost daily phone calls, watching you grow your business and develop your talent, raising your boys in a home of love and grace, and simply displaying your joyous spirit.
My heart is still broken…..and I now understand that it will never be fully whole until we are in heaven and Jesus wipes away all our tears. But God has also shown me that in this brokenness He uses it for His glory. And therefore your life lives on in a such a profound way, and I am honored that God has allowed me to be apart of it.
So how will I spend this day……your 27th birthday?
I will start my day with you……at the earthly place that bears witness to your life. I will lay your wreath I made for you out of your favorite color. And I will spend time reading scripture, listening to my favorite worship music. I have learned when these days come I must turn to Jesus and hear what God says to me through his Word. I will lift my hands and praise the one who gave you to me….and for that I am so very grateful.
I will then spend the day being nice to myself with a massage, facial and manicure/pedicure. I think you would approve! Your Mom is trying to take better care of herself. Something I acknowledge I haven’t done so well for the last 19 months. I will also have lunch with my dearest friend. She has walked this path with me….always supportive and loving. It will be our last time to see each other for awhile because we will be separated by time zones as she leaves Texas to live in another state. I will end the day with attending a woman’s conference with your sister Jennifer. I can’t wait to see what God is going to reveal to me through this conference. I am convinced it is a God appointment that I must keep.
And at the end of the day as I lay my head, I will pray as I do every night to my precious Savior. I will ask him just like I do every night to hug and kiss you and the boys and tell you that I love you so very much……
As I did last year, I have honored your memory by placing a memorial in the Lexington Leader and the Salado Village Voice.
And I have created your birthday video. The songs I used are songs that John and I heard at the Steven Curtis Chapman concert with Josh Wilson earlier this month. These two songs were part of the concert and God spoke to my heart in a very profound way as they performed these songs. The first song is by Josh Wilson “Dark before the Morning” and the second song is by Steven Curtis Chapman “See you in a little while”.
To view the video, please click the link below:
Elizabeth…….one thing I have realized since you went to your forever home and you are no longer physically present here but you are in my heart and go with me wherever I go! You and my precious Savior! And because of that I am hopeful that there will be things as I go through out the day and weekend that will warm my heart because it will remind me of you.
Until I am called to my real home, know that you give me strength and creativity, to be open to God’s leading and to see where this journey will take me.
Dear Jesus: It’s my little girl’s birthday! Hold her tight and tell her I love her! Tell her I’ll see her in a little while……and I’m sure you are throwing her an awesome celebration! As the song says, we are ready and waiting for you to come…….until then I will press on and fight the good fight…….and will hold on knowing this time is the dark before the morning……
I love you Elizabeth Anne……to the moon and back.