Day 29: Worship songs we sang at the home going and my reflections……I Still Believe!

I still believe

This song was my personal song selection to the worship service.  I selected this song because it was written by Jeremy Camp and was the first song he ever wrote.  It was written during his grief journey after he lost his first wife to cancer.  His wife Melissa passed away a few months after they married.  In his book, “I Still Believe”, he talks about early after Melissa’s death, God told him to pick up his guitar.  Jeremy replied to God that he didn’t want to pick up his guitar.  God told him again to pick up his guitar.  So, Jeremy in an act of faith picked up his guitar and he says the words began to flow and in a short time, “I Still Believe” was written.

Because of how this song was born, I felt the words were the closest to what our family was walking through.  Again, in a church of 500 people with overflow in another building and through the hallways and in the parking lot of Salado United Methodist there were an estimated 1200 people, with our arms raised and tears flowing, I didn’t understand why……. Why me Lord?  Why my daughter? Why my grandsons? Why my family?…… and this song expressed some of what I was feeling:

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I’ve never felt so torn before
seems I don’t know where to start
but it’s now that I feel Your grace falls like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus:]

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don’t see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it’s my heart I see You prepare
but it’s now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus]

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near 

Please click to watch Jeremy sing “I Still Believe”:  I Still Believe

I have received the most feedback at Lizz’s homegoing service around the spirit and presence of God during the worship and singing of this specific song.  Many have personally told me, they haven’t felt the presence of God like they did at that moment as this song was being sung.  Many of the cards and letters I received have mentioned this also.  I have to agree.  Even in this tragedy,   God was so amazingly close and present.  The worship leader shared with the family what it was like for him to stand in front of the church leading the worship and witness this amazing moment.

As we approach the 1 year anniversary of their home going, I can testify that his grace is sufficient.  I still don’t understand the why……but I do have hope.  Hope from my Savior that overcame death.  Faith in the promise when he told us, if we believe in him, that where he is, we shall be also.  Hope that this life is not the end, but the beginning.  And hope that through this pain and suffering, God will use me and Lizz’s story to spread that message of hope.

So, yes, I still believe.  His promise that his grace is sufficient is true.  Do I still grieve?  YES!  Do I still hurt?  YES!  But I walk this journey with my Lord and he promises that He is faithful.  I am a living testament a year later that he is faithful.

Dear Lord:  Thank you for your grace that has fallen in my life like rain.  Thank you for holding me and at times carrying me through this valley.  Thank you for your closeness during this past year.  And please hug my baby girl and those amazing boys (which means you will have to wrestle them down) and hug and kiss them for me.  Tell them we carry on……and you are still showing me a path…….but with every breath I have, I want to live the rest of my days telling about you and honoring the memory of Elizabeth.  Amen

Julie

2 thoughts on “Day 29: Worship songs we sang at the home going and my reflections……I Still Believe!

  1. so crazy of course just like many others been thinking about lizz and the boys a lot the last several days and of all her family and friends gng through this time and two songs came on the radio this morning that really helped me get through this morning and spoke to me and that was Third Day “Cry Out to Jesus” and “Your Grace is Enough”.. ur faith in Jesus is so empowering and inspiring and I really thank you for the last year of speaking from your heart of what uv gone through, instead of closing up and not talking about it. I think your words have really helped others who have been grieving over Lizz and boys get through the last year as well.

    • Thank you Carolyn for your encouragement and your support and prayers over the last year. As you will recall, Cry out to Jesus was on my 30 day highlight of worship songs that were important to me over the last year. Aaaahhhh…….and grace. My family is a testament that it is enough :). Blessings, Julie

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